Mrs. A-Rod would have us believe that behind that big smile there lurks a paranoid, sneaky man who has spied on her.

Thank God it’s over! Baseball comes back today after its annual three day hiatus during which it lamely tries to celebrate its biggest stars, only to fall far short of the mark. With apologies to the players who actually played the All Star game - all 15 innings of it - I think it is a glorious waste of time and money, and would love to see it removed from the middle of the season’s schedule. Go ahead, call me a curmudgeon, but I am far from the only person who would like to see the whole All Star game just go away. 

Instead of belaboring the point, I’ll share with you some of the strange and funny things I found while avoiding the goings on of these last three days.

Inspirational Ichiro

It was revealed this week that Ichiro Suzuki is the man who has inspired the American League players to utterly dominate the National League in the All Star game each year.

Since his first All Star game back in 2001, Ichiro has made a “speech” to his fellow AL All Stars. The speech takes place right after the AL manager finishes his pre-game address to the players in the locker room, and has become somewhat of a tradition over the years. As the story goes, once the AL manager wraps up, Ichiro launches into an expletive laced tirade, disparaging the National League. As one fellow player tells it, the speech is all the more shocking to first time All Stars because most of them, like most of the general public, only know Ichiro’s carefully crafted public persona. Ichiro very deliberately perpetuates the notion that his English is limited, and still uses an interpreter, when in fact; he speaks the language quite well. Just ask any of the first basemen around the AL, they know the real Ichiro. Anyway, the speech must work; the AL has won every All Star game since Ichiro started giving the speech. Tip of the cap to Jeff Passan of Yahoo! for the story.

Sexson in the City?

There have been numerous reports that Hideki Matsui may have to undergo a season ending procedure to repair his ailing knee. If that happens, the Yankees would suddenly be in the market for at least one bat, and possibly a left fielder. Two names have surfaced as being on the Yankees radar screen. One of them is obvious – Barry Lamar Bonds. The other is somewhat less obvious, and the reason for the Yankees interest in the player is dubious at best. As the headline implies – yep, Richie Sexson. But the reason they might want him is downright laughable. If you look at his split stats for this season, you will note that he’s batted a robust .344 against left handed pitching this season. The Yankees are simply dreadful against left handers this season and would like a right handed power hitter to compliment all the lefties in their lineup. They’re looking at that .344 BA split and thinking he might be the answer if they use him only against lefties. But if you look at Sexson’s splits year by year, you will no doubt note that this season’s numbers against lefties are an aberration. Over his career, Sexson is equally bad against pitchers of either hand. Surely, the Yankees won’t be stupid enough to think Sexson is going to join the club, play only against lefties, and suddenly reverse the team’s ineptitude against southpaws. Naw. No way.

Gangs in Football?

From the “you must be kidding” department; the NFL is once again looking into signs on the field. No, not the Patriots stealing or taping signs; but whether or not players are using gang signs on the field to perhaps taunt or threaten other players. The league has actually launched an investigation, and is reviewing game film, to determine whether certain gestures used by players on the field are, in fact, gang related. The NBA started this garbage during their playoffs this past season, when Paul Pierce of the Celtics was observed making a gesture, investigated, and ultimately fined; accused of making a gang related sign as a threat on the court during a game. All of this leads me to wonder about the caliber of the athletes we elevate to star status. Are they so low, so insecure, so unscrupled, that they need to resort to threatening gang gestures on the field? If that is the case, the future of professional sports is doomed.

Speaking of Threats

If the athletes are making gang signs and threatening gestures on the field, that is awful, but that is nothing compared to the idiots on the streets during the All Star parade in New York earlier this week. Apparently, people standing along the street where the All Star parade took place heckled and insulted Jonathan Papelbon and his wife as their motorcade went by according to a story on ESPN.com. The crowd was apparently stoked and incited by a headline and story that appeared on the pages of the NY Daily News. So, whom do we blame here. The media? Papelbon (for his comments)? The fans?  It is simply not right that Papelbon and his wife had to endure that kind of crap during a parade. Rivalry is a good thing, but when it becomes threatening, whether perceived or real, there is something terribly wrong. The media did not need to create the hostile atmosphere with its headline and story – that much is true. But the crowd of hecklers in New York is far worse. It’s a game! Chill out!

Spy vs. Spy

To wrap this up we have the silliest story of them all. Do you think being ridiculously wealthy and famous, playing for one of the highest profile teams in baseball, and being married to a gorgeous babe is all fun and games? Ask A-Rod that question and surely he will tell you that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Rodriguez is going through what is sure to be a mess divorce. The papers were only recently filed, and already the media circus has begun. Lawyers for his wife, Cynthia, filed a motion in court to have any and all reports from any private investigations or wiretaps, turned over during the divorce proceedings. That means she believes A-Rod has been spying on her. Meanwhile, she also accuses him of cheating on her on a regular basis. Has she spied on him? How does she know he cheats? Has she actually had him followed? Can she prove he actually cheated on her? The answers to these, and perhaps other questions, should all come out over the next few months, as this divorce looks like it will be played out publicly. At least it will be more entertaining than the All Star game.

Ok folks, that’s all I’ve got for today. Shake it easy.