Rickie Weeks, Brewers

Rome wasn’t built in a day… The Nationals bullpen was.

Rome had Romulus and Remus. Washington has Hinckley and Hanrahan.

According to all four Gospels, Jesus Christ was crucified by the Romans. According to all four Nationals season-ticket holders, acting general manager Mike Rizzo will most certainly be crucified if P Jesus Colome is not dispensed to Syracuse by week’s end.  

OK, OK. Enough already with the Roman analogies.....

What I'm trying to convey is that it’s been one of those weeks for the Nats. More blown saves, over a half dozen more errors, six more straight losses---and on top of all that---people like me using the words “crucifixion” and “Mike Rizzo" in the same sentence. Not good. Not good at all.

Thankfully former GM Jim Bowden isn’t still around to see this all go down. If present during such madness I have no doubt Jimmy, his fiancé and a 30-pack of Budweiser would right now be hightailing it down I-95 to Miami in his Cadillac, desperate for one last crack at landing the role of Chuck Finley in the ‘Tawny Kitaen Story”.  

But that was March, before the season began and before Bowden resigned. Right now it's only May and I’ll be damned if I have to waste any more time on why the Nationals suck---because take my word for it---they just do. I’ll have plenty of time to dissect the topic in July when baseball becomes the main course. Until then, you’re getting the potpourri stew, young man---which as always is dedicated to my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder homeboys.

Ready. Set. Go.  

Royals 2B Alberto Callaspo is still available in 68% of Yahoo leagues and ranked 189^th overall while Tigers 2B Placido Polanco is available in 65% of leagues and is ranked 700. Quite odd, don't you think? Personally I'm going with Callaspo all the way if I need a 2B---especially after reading Sports Grumblings’ own John Rakowski point out that his slugging percentage is better than Ryan Howard’s---at least for now.

Over 100 schools have closed across the country because of confirmed or probable cases of swine flu yet students still can’t seem to get enough of that heady butt hash.

Dodgers 2B Orlando Hudson is on pace for a .300 AVG, 12 HR, 90 RBI & 16 SB---which looks an awful lot like Jose Lopez’ 2008 to me. With that being said, if Hudson does stay productive should we then expect a disappointing 2010 from him---in the same vein as Lopez’ 2009? I say no. With 17 hits in the last 12 Manny-less games, my gut tells me the 32 year-old Hudson has figured "it" out.

Shocking news out of Bristol, CT this week---as it was announced that Game 6 of the underwhelming Western Conference semifinal series between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Houston Rockets was the most watched basketball game ever on ESPN.

Seriously? 

Wasn't this the game after Yao broke his foot and was lost for the remainder of the playoffs? Wasn't this the game after the Lakers won by 40? But more importantly, what the hell was everyone doing during games 4, 5 and especially 6 of the classic Celtics/Bulls series?

Congratulations to owners of David Ortiz! It must be a relief to see Big Papi hit his first HR of 2009---but the sour taste of spending a 4th round pick on him would drive me mad, I tell you. MAD!

Weird fantasy fact of the week: Brewers 2B Rickie Weeks was dropped by 40% of Yahoo owners on Tuesday yet Angels OF Vlad Guerrero was in the starting lineup that night for over 30% of franchises---even though he’s been on the DL since April 15. 

If you’re eyeing the waiver wire for a spot-starter, take a gamble on Colorado lefty Jorge De La Rosa, who is available in 80% of Yahoo leagues. His last two outings have been pretty darn stellar--- an 8-inning, 12K performance at Coors on 5/9 as well as a 7-inning, 10K game on 5/15. With a bit more run support, De La Rosa could easily be 5-1 instead of 0-3.

I am totally on board with a show documenting the life of fashion PR queen Kelly Cutrone from MTV's The Hills. I light up when she's on screen---waiting for the next piece of bitch flare she's rounding up to throw at the show's stupid little girls.

Texas 2B Ian “Sisler” Kinsler---whose 2009 average draft position was 13^th overall and is on pace for 200 H, 35 HR, 120 RBI & 36 SB---has all but guaranteed he becomes the #3 overall pick in 2010. One of the league’s most consistent hitters, Kinsler will hit as much in April and May as July and August---unlike Yanks 1B Mark Texeira---whose 12th overall ADP must have head-to-head league owners throwing up in their mouths right about now. I once drafted Tex. Once.  

Kudos to the Toronto Blue Jays for calling up P Robert Ray. Not because he’s actually been decent but rather I NEVER thought I’d hear the name again. Oh the memories. What memories.

And finally... I tip my 40-ouncer to you, Rickie Weeks. For two months, you completed me.