Is Pedro Martinez headed back to New York?

I’m not into 200 year old philosophical riddles. If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, I could give two fraks if it makes a sound or not.

Instead, I spend my nights pondering modern day conundrums.

Like “If a Stanley Cup Finals game airs on Versus Network and nobody watches or knows what Versus Network is---does that game even exist?”

Now THERE’S a question! A question I implore you to not pose to Gary Bettman anytime in the next ten days as the NHL Commissioner is still too giddy and weak to contemplate such a brain tease.

You see, just a few days ago Bettman’s heart stopped pumping oxygen to his brain for several seconds after he spotted the word “Penguins” atop the most recent Nielsen cable TV ratings and for once correctly assumed it meant his Stanley Cup Finals and not Nickelodeon’s Penguins of Madagascar.

Yes---it’s true---for two straight evenings the National Hockey League on NBC was the most watched program in living rooms throughout America. Even more lost in the madness was the fact that Games 1 & 2 was the highest rated Cup openers in seven years! It’s a terrific step forward for a sport desperate to once again become relevant---but a giant upset? Eh…..not quite, especially if you consider the NHL’s competition on Sunday for Game 2 was Desperately Seeking Susan on the CW Network.

But hey, a ratings win is a ratings win---unless of course you love the sport of hockey and wonder why the next two games of its championship series are buried on the obscure Versus Network---a television channel that genuinely seems to cater more to the needs of Klu Klux Klan members than diehard puck heads.

Ultimately however, the blame falls squarely on the National Hockey League. Rather than finding a way to work out a deal to stay with ESPN and STAY mainstream, the NHL chose to feed off a truly desolate network that advertises bull riding, Indy Cars, hunting, foosball tourneys and oh yeah---hockey. Talk about not knowing you’re demographic. 

So what can we do? Well---nothing actually. We’re stuck with rodeo clowns getting gored in the genitals, endangered species getting mowed down by fat men with semi-automatic weapons, lion hunting and a sprinkle of hockey until the 2011-2012.

When that day finally comes, Commissioner Bettman, it’s time to make the switch---just like these MLB players---who might increase their fantasy production with a change of scenery come the July 31 trade deadline.

DISCLAIMER: As always---the above awkward, unsmooth segue into fantasy baseball is dedicated to my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder homeboys.

Hit it.

P Eric Bedard (Mariners) Ideally, if I owned Bedard I’d pray to Jobu that he’s dealt to a NL team so to eliminate the tough American League batting orders which seems to wear him out once late-June rolls around. I’d also pair him with an above average bullpen to slightly shorten his starts so he can potentially last until October. If the lefty lands in Philadelphia that would certainly be the best case scenario for owners. He’d get his run support and a very solid bullpen---which could be just enough to give your staff a kick in the pants throughout the season’s second half. But beware! With Bedard, it’s sink or swim. He’s only gotten through one full season since 2004 without injury---but when he is “on” his K/BB ratio is amongst the best in baseball. 

P Pedro Martinez (Free Agent) I have no doubt Martinez wants one last crack at redeeming himself after a frustrating 2008 in New York. Now all he must do is lower his financial demands! Almost nine months removed from pitching in his last game, is it out of the realm of possibility to think Martinez could give you decent numbers for say, 50-60 innings if he’s kept in shape? Not at all. Would you take a flyer on him if your staff was floundering at WHIP and Ks---and all you had to do was pick him up off the free agent wire and monitor his production? I would. Could you see him becoming serviceable in a comfortable environment like New York, with a team that needs an end of the rotation starter like the Mets? I could.

2B/3B/OF Mark Derosa (Indians) I’m not sure what to think of Derosa’s future now that SS Asdrubal Cabrera just went down with a potentially serious injury and both the Yankees and Braves now rumored to be interested in him. What we do know is with OF Grady Sizemore lost to injury and the Tribe in last place, this all screams of something Cleveland excels at---i.e. going young---which may seal Derosa’s fate as an Indian.  I’m also not keen on either New York or Atlanta as a landing spot for Derosa as there’s not much room for everyday play other than spot-start duty in the outfield. I’d much rather see him land with a team like the Chicago White Sox, where his versatility could earn him a decent amount of at bats spelling the underperforming 3B Jason Fields and 2B Chris Getz.

C/1B Victor Martinez (Indians) For all of the same reasons as Derosa, Martinez most certainly is on the “back nine” of his Indians career and I can’t help but feel Boston will be his future home. Why? Well, Boston has the prospects to obtain him; he’s been on GM Theo Epstein’s radar for years and oh yeah… David Ortiz just might be 57 years-old. Plus, having a hitter like Martinez fluctuating between the third and sixth spot of the batting order must have Kevin Youkilis, Jason Bay and Mike Lowell drooling!  Simply put, adding a terrific contact hitter like Martinez makes the Sox offense dangerous again. It’s a no brainer. Martinez’s fantasy value practically doubles if inserted into to the Red Sox lineup.

OF Matt Holliday (A’s) The upcoming free agent is picking up his play just at the right time to entice other teams to take a two month flyer on him. So what is GM Billy Beane to do here? Wait until season’s end and hope Scott Boras recommends Holliday take a discount to stay in Oakland? Sign him to a $15+ million per year contract? I think you know the answers to those stupid questions. The only logical choice is to somehow convince the Mets to trade the young, struggling OF Fernando Martinez and rid themselves of the potential problem. If you’re the Mets, you do it if you’re serious about winning a title. With Carlos Delgado potentially off the books next year, Holliday’s contract becomes somewhat bearable—especially considering what he can do in a lineup that includes Jose Reyes, David Wright and Carlos Beltran.