Will Ladanian Tomlinson be a wasted pick in 2009?

Point #1: A wasted draft pick kills me.

Point #2: Selecting players with chronic injuries, poor attitudes, lazy work ethics and fragile psyches severely decreases any chance of winning a fantasy league.

Point #3: A WASTED DRAFT PICK KILLS ME!

I think you catch my drift, so let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?

With baseball on our plate and football on the doorstep, I’m a bit testy since squandering valuable draft picks on players who’ve yet to contribute a lick towards my 2009 season. Sure---I’m angry at the player’s performances---but I’m more peeved with myself. How could I not see this coming? How did I not notice the trends that screamed “DON’T DRAFT HIM”? At the season’s start I warned myself to not be “that guy” who drafts unhealthy talent and eventually pays the consequences down the line---yet we’re now three months in and I am that guy. And if I’m failing now---my god---how on earth will I react in late August when my football draft takes place? Will I mistakenly pull the trigger on Ladanian Thomlinson if he’s staring me in the face in the middle of Round 1? I’m rattled. Uncomfortable. Lacking confidence even.

The only way I can break from this funk is to go on the offensive. Isolate a few players who perennially give owners like me fits, try to make sense of it all and again attempt to learn from my mistakes. No witty introduction. No pomp. No circumstance.

So let’s do it.

A perfect example to start with is Eagles RB Brian Westbrook. When speaking of Westbrook a slew of positive superlatives come to mind, don’t they? He’s a game-changer. An all-purpose stud. Virtually uncoverable.  Blah blah blah. To me, however, he’s nothing less than a home wrecker. Yup, a bonifide relationship killer. No other player has forced both myself and countless other fantasy owners to delay Sunday apple-picking plans with the fiancé for fear that come 12:59 PM on game day, the “probable” Westbrook’s knee or ankle just isn’t reacting the way it should. When that happens, it’s all over. Its game time, the traffic has grown heavier, you face the prospect of picking just a handful of rotten apples, you’re down a stud RB and most importantly---you have an unhappy woman. Is that worth a first round pick? No bleepin way. 

Sprint Cup Series driver Jeremy Mayfield. This one’s for all you degenerate fantasy NASCAR players out there. Mayfield’s recent suspension for allegedly testing positive for crystal meth means owners will now have to scrape the free agent pool---in between polishing off a lukewarm 30-rack of Busch Lite and a few packs of Kools---to locate a worthwhile fantasy replacement. Sounds like a great way to spend a Sunday!

P Rich Harden. Just when Cubs fans were beginning to forget about the highly talented yet oft-injured Kerry Wood---poof--- another highly talented yet oft-injured pitcher flawlessly stepped in to take his place. When Rich Harden again went on the DL in May, millions of North Siders collectively felt some sort of déjà vu going down and no doubt paced their kitchens in solitude muttering “just when I thought I was out they pull me back in.” Certainly as a fan it’s alright to feel this way but in fantasy baseball if you drafted Harden expecting longevity, you need a reality check---and fast! Harden hasn’t pitched more than 80-innings or won more than five games in a season since 2005, yet on average in Yahoo leagues he was drafted ahead of others with 30+ starts in 2008---namely Daisuke Matsuzaka, John Lester or James Shields.

TE Jeremy Shockey. "You know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. That's in the past. I'm looking forward to the future." Yes those were the exact words of perennial jerk Jeremy Shockey after the oft-injured tight end was treated for dehydration at a Las Vegas hospital just two weeks ago after drinking too much alcohol on a hot day. In case you’re wondering, this is the same Jeremy Shockey who missed much of the 2008 season with a hernia injury, the same Jeremy Shockey who’s yet to play a full 16-game season in his seven year career and yes---the same Jeremy Shockey who bears a striking resemblance to Benjamin McKenzie, formerly of The OC.  With that being said, Shockey still has the ability to produce Tony Gonzalez-like numbers with Drew Brees at QB but just doesn’t have the hunger to do it. His recent antics are yet another reason why you should again be skeptical to draft him, especially with a re-emerging Billy Miller and a load of options in Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, Lance Moore and Devery Henderson all begging for touches. He is worth a gamble after the 10^th round or so---but even then he’s surrounded by up-and-comers like the Shiancoes, Kellers and Shefflers of the position.

P Brad Lidge. Owners of both Lidge and DH David Ortiz should go out for lunch some time, have a few margaritas and just talk. Mention nothing about fantasy baseball or why both colossally underachieving players have lost their mojo---and instead chat more on life in general. Talk about television, starting a book club or how oysters can help your libidos. Anything at all except for fantasy baseball! Ideally it’s a tremendous idea---but realistically---after cocktail #2, you’ll most likely cut the bullcrap and in a nervous laugh ask “so….how about that elephant in the room, huh?” before delving into a bowl of ceviche as well as Lidge’s mysterious DL appointment. Truth be told, just like P Chien-Ming Wang, we’ll never know if this a mini-vacation for Lidge to remedy some mental issues or if it’s due to an actual knee injury as Philadelphia management now proclaims. Regardless, it’s not fun to be a Lidge owner during times like these, especially when set-up ace Ryan Madsen has stepped right into to deliver a few nice saves. By the way, Madsen is owned in only 33% of Yahoo leagues---so go out and grab him now if he’s still available on your waiver wire.

P A.J. Burnett. The long, lost prodigy of Bernie Madoff returns, this time armed with two new, unsuspecting victims! Enter the New York Yankees and fantasy owners everywhere (including me) who blindly took Burnett’s bait---a 2008 contract year loaded with career bests in starts, wins and innings---without first realizing he’d used the same con just three years prior. You see, back in 2005---another contract year---Burnett again found the energy to produce career highs in starts, wins and innings, landing him a 5-year, $55 million deal with Toronto. The rest, as they say, is history after that as Burnett in 2006 & 2007 was back to his old, injured, fraudulent self.