Texas Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler has his Mojo working

Hi diddly ho neighbors.  Thanks for stopping back in to the crazy world that is the Rosin Bag.  I’m your host, Michael Moshovetis and today we will be discussing smack talk.  Or trash talk.  Or Message Board Beatdowns.  Or whatever you want to call them.

You see, once the year gets going, people find out what they do or don’t have.  I think it is my job, in the leagues I am in anyway, to point out the “don’t have’s” in a funny and witty way to my fellow league members.  If you can’t poke fun at your friends for drafting Coco Crisp yet again, who can you poke fun at?

There is a right way and a wrong way to go about this though.  I will get into that below.  I will also practically confess my undying love to Ian Kinsler, who is single handedly helping me sit a top two separate leagues so far.

WEEKLY MOJO: Message Board Mojo

Ahh, nothing says, “I love you” to a fellow owner like a long drawn out explanation about why their team is in last place, especially when they never asked for you opinion in the first place.  Doing it with style and humor will make it fun for everyone to read; even the team in last place.  Here are some simple rules to guide you through your next Posting Putdown.

 
1. Typing in ALL CAPS, nonstop cursing and racial slurs are the poorest way to show distain and only points out that your intelligence level hovers somewhere around that of a small woodland creature.  Remember, be funny and witty.  You can be both without any of those three things.
 
2. Constantly writing when you have nothing funny to say gets old real quick too.  Just like with hard alcohol, you have to know when enough is enough.
 
3. If you are going to trash talk about how great you are, make darn sure that you can back up what you say or else you will quickly become the joke of the board.
 
4. Your momma jokes went out of style with the mullet.  Yes, some of them are still funny, but it is time to come up with something a tad bit more original.
 
5. Lastly, never and I mean NEVER admit when you are wrong.  You may be DEAD WRONG, but never admit to it.  Instead steer the conversation to the next issue on your list and keep the humor flowing.

    JOCKS AND JOKES

Jocks

Ian Kinsler (2B, TEX) – Forget Chase Utley, the real 2B that is making waves on every fantasy team he is on is Kinsler.  He is second in the majors with six – SIX – homeruns.  He is hitting near the top of the order against lefties AND righties.  Heck he even stole a base!  I had high hopes for Kinsler coming into this year, but he is exceeding every expectation I had so far.  Ride him as long as you can.  I can’t guarantee this will last all year, but don’t be the fool that loses faith now and trades him away.

Bartolo Colon (SP, LAA) – Colon is ready to help the Angels again. After pitching seven innings of shutout ball Sunday down in Triple-A Salt, they are ready to get him back into the mix.  His fastball was clocked at 96 mph to start the game and was still in the 90 when he was pulled.  If people forgot he was a Cy Young winner not so long ago and he is on your waiver wire, run – don’t walk – there and grab him.

Jason Frasor (RP, TOR) – BJ Ryan is on the DL and Frasor will pick up his save opportunities.  Depending on the news coming this week, it could be for quite some time too.  Frasor has been a solid middle reliever and should be able to step right into the closers role.  In Toronto he will get several Save chances too.  If you have him, keep him.  If he is on the free agent wire, get him.  Fast.

Jokes

Anibal Sanchez (SP, FLA) – You throw one no-hitter and all of a sudden you become a HUGE sleeper option.  I didn’t buy it at the draft and I still don’t buy it now.  Does he have talent?  Sure, you have to in order to EVER throw a no-hitter.  But is he a stud in the making?  I say no.  His ERA isn’t too bad so far this year, but with a WHIP approaching 2.00, it is obvious he is putting men on base and sooner or later those guys will score more runs.

Scott Olsen (SP, FL) – Let’s stick with Marlin pitchers.  I heard SO MUCH about how great they would be all Spring Training.  And I took lots of heat for saying I just didn’t see it.  Well, I still don’t, Dontrelle Willis aside.  Olsen didn’t make it to the third inning Sunday against Atlanta. He gave up six hits, two walks and luckily only five runs.  That puts him up to eleven walks in 12.3 innings.  Right now his control is so off he couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Insert Injured Stud Here (Any, All) – Big names are dropping fast this year.  As I mentioned above, BJ Ryan is gone for now.  Fellow Blue Jay, Troy Glaus, will be sitting near him on the bench.  Mike Mussina is on the DL with them both.  Alfonso Soriano is out for a week or so now.  Rich Harden says he is OK, but left the game due to shoulder issues.  Aramis Ramirez looks to be OK, but isn’t out of the woods yet.  Randy Johnson still isn’t back.  Mark Prior and Kerry Wood may NEVER be back.  Vladimir Guerrero took a ball off the wrist and survived, so at least be thankful for that.

Want to hit Mojo up for advice, mock his picks, or just tell him how great his column is? Send him an email at mojo@sportsgrumblings.com.