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Derek Anderson - Fantasy Football
Where the hell did this man come from?

There's a whole lot of crazy going on in the world these days... The Browns put up 51 points with Derek Anderson under center... The Texans are 2-0... as are the Packers. What the !#%@& is going on? Damn it all, I hate the first two weeks of the season, because I have no clue what will happen. Are you surprised to hear that? Don't be. Because no one knows what will happen the first two weeks of the season, and anyone who tells you that they do is lying more than Lassy does when she tells you she's never done that thing with her mouth before... and yes, my editor-in-a-skirt will tell me not to insult the female staff (again), and I'll tell him that the only way I like females is on my staff (again). Then he'll throw his hands up in the air and walk away mumbling to himself in Greek. Screw him, 'cause that's the way I roll...

O.J. Simpson was in the news again and much to my disappointment, it wasn't because Fred Goldman screwed up the courage to put a bullet into the back of his bloated head. No, it was because he got arrested for (allegedly) armed robbery of a sports memorabilia salesman. Of course, about ten seconds after the arrest, there all these black dudes screaming about the whole thing being a set up. Look, I really hope I live long enough to see two things:

The death of O.J. in some excruciating manner, like being locked in a room for two days with Rosie O'Donnell on speed. She would drive him insane with her stupid talking points, then eat his carcass when she realized that he's died of boredom and she hadn't had a snack in 48 hours
The confession of Greg Kellogg to really being Peter Griffin on Family Guy.

I know a lot of you sexless losers would have thought I'd wish to live long enough to bang some hot broad. But unlike you pencil necks, I've already achieved that goal several times. And with real women, not the relatives and other assorted messes you have probably hooked up with.

I was listening to my boss and his two dopey sidekicks on their Friday radio show. It was pretty entertaining, and I actually thought they made some good points. I think they hit the nail on the head about Bill Belicheck and the whole spying deal. The league needs to suspend Belicheck in addition to the current punishment—I mean, they suspend Vick for gambling on dogs, but they slap Belicheck on the wrist for directly destroying the integrity of the game? I’m not one to buy into the whole racism thing, but it makes you wonder…

Speaking of our radio show here at Radio Grumblings, here's my question: if they gave Tom Casale a shot while he was still here, how come they haven't asked me to be on their show? Probably because they're afraid of hearing the gospel truth pour out of my mouth. My boss is always saying that I am a "liability", whatever the Hell that means... I just think he’s afraid I’d burn his ass more than he’s accustomed to… and for those of you that are a bit slow, yes, I’m saying that about a Greek man. Get the joke?

Anyway, it's time for me to impart my tremendous football wisdom to you, whether you want it or not; so just sit back and enjoy it, like my girlfriend does four times a week...