| The Fire Sale: Stop Complaining, Just Sit Back and Enjoy It... |
| By Mr X |
Published
09/29/2007
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The Fire Sale
| Unrated
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Mr X
Mr. X hails from Parts Unknown, where the men are still men and the women are damn happy about it. Blessed with bulging biceps and a rapier-like wit, he can beat you sensless with brain or brawn; pick your poison. Above all else, Mr. X is a keen fantasy sports analyst and even keener narrator of the human condition.
View all articles by Mr X
Stop Complaining, Just Sit Back and Enjoy It...
This guy just oozes machismo, doesn't he?
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I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not feeling the NFL right now. There's too much crap going on that has me up at nights, wondering what the Hell is going on. Jon Kitna thinks God watches football and is a Lions' fan... the Eagles wear uniforms that would make a gay fashion designer gag, but ring up 56 points in the process... the Saints go into the bye week winless, and it's largely due to an inept offense... that effeminate-acting Tony Kornheiser is still on Monday Night Football... one of the most exciting players in the game gets indicted because of a bunch of stupid pooches... teams spying more than the CIA. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
I'm hoping things turn around soon. Maybe they need to legalize steroid use in the NFL, so we don't have to put up the pretense of testing and "clean" players. As far as I'm concerned, if players want to juice so they can perform better, let them. If they take a look at all those wrestlers who die from heart attacks at 50 and say to themselves "I'd like to do that so I can be the best that I can be!", then let them. It's all about me, and if a linebacker feels that HGH can add two-tenths of a second to his 40 time or 10 reps to his bench press-- and then he can turn that into the most memorable sack I see on any given Sunday-- then I deserve the entertainment value. Let them eat steroids by the bucket.
Now I know some of you less progressive thinkers (i.e., southern rubes and ultra-religious yahoos) out there might object to my plan based on some misguided "morality", but that's your problem, not mine. It's like I tell that stupid girlfriend of mine: if you don't appreciate what I like and what I do, stop whining and leave. No one is chaining you to the trampoline and forcing you to kiss the midgets.
And that's my point, in case any of you rubes didn't get the sarcasm: if you don't like steroids, criminals and other similar elements in the NFL, just walk away. Don't buy the Sunday NFL Ticket, don't buy the jerseys, don't watch on CBS or Fox or ESPN. But if you're like my dumb girlfriend who just lays there and takes all the abuse I heap on her, then you have no right to complain. Just sit back and enjoy it.
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