What's Jeff Gordon on the lookout for? Flying objects.

Recent events in NASCAR racing have led me to design the NASCAR Fans' Bill of Rights. It is simple, uncomplicated, and only contains three articles:

Article the First: No fan shall have the right to injure, maim, or otherwise harm other fans, drivers, spectators, officials, employees or other persons present at the race.

Let’s face it. Only a small minority of fans throw debris. They aren’t all Earnhardt Nation, either. Get real. But the danger this small minority poses to the safety of everyone within striking distance is enormous.

Consider this: A full beer can, especially the large ones that seemed to be raining upon the newly resurfaced Talladega, can easily wreak havoc. Imagine throwing one and instead of having it clear the retaining fence in a graceful arc and land right at the feet of that good-for-nothing Jeff Gordon, your libation quickly and effectively gives a serious head injury to a child in front of you. You didn’t mean to do that, did you? Of course not. You’re a good NASCAR fan, and you only wanted to show it.

Wrong. Throwing objects of any sort, regardless of their softness or hardness, regardless if Junior tells you to “bring toilet paper,” can pose a potentially deadly situation. It goes far beyond cleaning up the mess or repairing a dented racecar or even the displeasure you wish to display.

Bottom line: If you throw things, you are not a fan. You have disrespected the sport, potentially taken the lives of your fellow man into your undeserving hands, and makes the rest of us (who can handle the iniquity of someone we don’t like winning the race; after all, a few shouted expletives are far less harmful to that child’s head in the long run, right?) look like every picture the unknowing United States paints of us.

Article the Second: Earnhardt and Earnhardt, Jr. and Stewart and Gordon all like(d) one another.

Did you hear that, naysayers from all sides? Yes, they all liked one another. Still like one another. Gasp! They even did and still do business together! The Intimidator and Wonder Boy, yes sir. They had a joint business venture. Take that and shove it in your brain and remember it the next time you start to complain about either one of them.

Dale Junior is about the most laid-back guy in racing. Then there is Tony Stewart, who is certainly one of the most polarizing. They are great “unofficial” teammates at plate tracks. And at short tracks too. They co-own one.

Junior congratulated Gordon after his 76^th win and even gave his approval to the latter’s chosen way of honoring Junior’s father.  Gordon and Stewart maintain a friendship, rocky at times, but maintain one all the same.

As long as you remember this tenet, you can be friends with virtually any other NASCAR fan and not fear name-calling, and it also shows that while you may not like any of these four drivers listed here, you can at least respect their accomplishments too.

Before getting up in arms me choosing these four men to focus on, let’s remember that in general, no other combination of drivers can elicit so much hate, love, joy, anger and pure awesome racing.

After this weekend's race, Tony Stewart has a table's match for the WWE Title.

And by the way – let me out myself as a longtime Jeff Gordon fan. But you know what? While I was never a fan of Dale Earnhardt, do I think I would be sitting here writing about Jeff Gordon superseding Earnhardt’s win mark if the man were still alive today? Not a chance.

Article the Third: The public has a right to expect fair and balanced racing. This public also includes the drivers.

I’m sick of what appear to be phantom debris cautions. I’m sick of what seem to be ploys to bunch up the field to give a more exciting race. I don’t think NASCAR fixes races. I do think they honestly believe they are enhancing the experience for the fans.

Take this weekend’s green-white-checkers (GWC) finish. With my naked, non-telemetry and high-tech camera aided eyes, I don’t think that Jeff Gordon should have been scored as the leader when the caution came out. Do I think he could have eventually pulled around Jamie McMurray to win? Yeah, I do. But I fully believe that no one in the NASCAR enclave was really all that disappointed when Jeff lucked into first and pulled off his 77^th win. 

I listen to Tony Stewart’s radio show each Tuesday night. I find it entertaining and informative. I was listening the night he compared NASCAR to professional wrestling. I largely agree with him. Again, I don’t think races are fixed. To the people who holler “Rigged!” let me remind you that the garage area, by most accounts, is a gossip hotbed and is also crawling with reporters.

Hundreds of people each weekend would have to be briefed and required to keep their collective mouths shut, and oh yeah – remind their driver not to pass the chosen one. It can’t work that way. There is probably some law of dynamics that says so.

Until NASCAR does a better job of being open and honest with the fans and drivers, they will have to suffer comparisons like the one Tony made. You can’t censor the fans’ ideas and thoughts, NASCAR. You can make Tony Stewart backpedal but you cannot fine us or punish us in any way other than continuing to operate as you are.

Being a NASCAR fan was ugly last week. This week at Richmond, a track which many people regard as one of the best seats on the circuit, promises a fun night race. Keep it light, keep it fun, and keep those cans in your hands while you toast the winner.

Have a question or comment for Samantha? Send it to samanthamaynard@sportsgrumblings.com.